Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Teka Teki Binatang (IQ Test)

According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all of the questions wrong. But many pre-school children got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.



Q1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?












Woman and Men's English (funny)


Women's English: 
Yes = No 
No = Yes 
Maybe = No 
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry 
We need = I want 
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now 
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later 
We need to talk = I need to complain 
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! 
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot 
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs 
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house 
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper 
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep 
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive 
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate 
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on 
TV 
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]

Men's English: 
I'm hungry = I'm hungry 
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy 
I'm tired = I'm tired 
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! 
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you 
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now? 
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question 
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex? 
I love you = Let's have sex now! 
Love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex 
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before 
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex? 
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex without me

Kelas Yang Lucu | Kids Are Quick


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
______________________________________ ____

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER : George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Teka-teki Guru Yang Berbaur Lucah



Maaflah yer jika Nick cuma masukkan entry versi english sahaja okie. Agar tak lari dari makna asal. Yang mana kurang faham tu, gunalah Google translate k.

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Harry replied, "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Harry: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Harry: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Harry: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Harry: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Harry: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Harry: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Harry: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?

Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."

Labels

2D (1) 3D (1) advertising (1) Automotive (2) bahaya (1) berita (4) Blackberry (1) bridal (1) buletin (3) contest (1) credit (1) dinner (2) eez (2) events (20) fakta (1) fesyen (2) forward (1) fotografi (61) funny (4) HDR (1) healthcare (6) hiburan (1) hukum (1) info (71) info sihat (6) islamik (3) jalan jalan (25) joke (7) joke ilmiah (2) journalism (1) Kajian (2) kaki gym (2) karaoke (4) KBU (1) keypoh (3) khasiat (2) kid song (1) Komunikasi Korporat (2) konvokesyen (2) Lawak (3) learn (9) Lirik (18) lyrics (10) makan (4) male talent (31) maskulin (5) modeling (2) modeling events (10) moto (4) music cover (1) my story (1) MyVi TT (3) Naruto Manga (6) news (2) oscar (1) party (1) Pendidikan (2) penjagaan diri (7) penjagaan lelaki (6) Perodua (1) personal (1) phone (1) Photographer (1) photoshoot (35) politik (3) press (2) rahsia lelaki (2) rahsia wanita (1) religious (1) research (2) resipi (1) santai (4) seks (1) selebriti (1) sinopsis filem (2) SKMM (4) story (34) suka-suka (15) talent (21) technology (2) TIPS (20) travelog (8) trip (7) troubleshooting (1) tutorial (2) wafi (1) wedding (12) wishes (2)